I am afraid of getting emo once again. I not sure if I am running away from myself, running away from sadness, from emptyness, from missing-ness, from whatever that makes me think of you.

Or am I just seeking attention? I believe I had finally find the full stop in this back-and-failed-and-once-again-failed relationship. I hate to use the word used to it. I felt regreted. I felt that why things aren't brought up early?

I know I have two sides of me. And nobody can ever get the both sides of me. Guys dont fall for me, you won't get good endings.

I don't feel really sad or 'down' this time. Don't have the heartache feel anymore. Don't wana mess with you anymore. You don't appreciate me at all, don't love me anymore, there's no point looking back. Enough of that. Enough. I had enough.

So I am going to enjoy myself going out with my friends. Going out with whoever that wants to go out. Whoever wants to relax themselves and chill. Whoever that are free to go out and whoever that are bored at home.

I felt the usefull side of me when you said my smile cheered you up. I think it has been quite some time since I smiled for so long. (Other than asking people do survey and give a big WIDE smile to thanks them.) Well, but I am sure that's not my super happy smile ba.

During this holiday, felt that I feel good with the company of myself. I suddenly felt that I don't need friends around me. I only need true friend/friends. Is it that true friends is someone you will go to when you want a listening ear? What if I don't want or need a listening ear, that means I don't need true friend?

I kept talking to myself for nights, ensuring myself that I am not sad and had gotten over it. Whenever I felt like talking to another person, the another person would be me. Not that I don't trust anyone. I don't find a need to share my thoughts. What's the point, what's the use. I know what response or reply I will get, it's so expected. So why seek for attention and waste others time to listen to my story or my feelings and get sad for me then console me for the sake of making me feel better. I can make myself feel better for not saying anything. That's the best way out for now.

Thanks stef for that call just now. Felt great to hear you again! think I really need you. Omg sounds les but you really makes me ..just simply smile when talking on phone yea? Alright, you said I made a difference to you, I decided to take half day off and go to the BBQ earlier alright?